from victimization to radical responsibility
Welcome to April, my friend, and your monthly alchemical attunement.
An alchemical attunement is the process of...
✨ Using our own wisdom and evolution as a tuning fork, bringing us into vibration with our highest Self.
✨ Bridging the mystical and the mundane, the spiritual and practical, spirit and soul, joy and grief.
✨ Transmuting our "base materials" into gold... turning pain into power, wounds into wisdom, and grief into grace.
Today's attunement is about transmuting victimization into radical responsibility.
Let me say this right off the bat, Britta.
To speak about victimization is to tread lightly across a frozen lake... a delicate exploration.
I might not get this right.
You might not agree with my ruminations here.
Hell, you might even feel triggered.
This is me, casting seeds of possibility into the fresh, fertile fields of spring.
After you read, hit reply and let me know how it landed for you.
Let's be in this important conversation, together.
*
Most of us have experienced deeply difficult moments where we were hurt, harmed, taken advantage of, traumatized, betrayed, abandoned. None of us escape a human lifetime without scars.
And yet, most of us also clearly recognize that we do not wish to play the role of the victim.
Here we arrive at yet another paradox— life happens to us, and simultaneously life happens with us, as us, through us.
Here lies our work, at the very heart of the matter: We have the opportunity to either react or respond to hardship. And which road we take determines our quality of life and relationship.
To react is instinctual and beyond our control. Reactivity often results in urgent, unconscious action.
To respond is to have the capacity to slow down our process and use conscious choice around what happens next. Responsibility literally means the ability to respond.
Byron Katie says, "When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.
I'll weave that thread further and say: when you depend on other humans to never disappoint you or your expectations, you lose... but only 100% of the time.
What is a victim?
Someone who has been hurt, oppressed, abused, injured, harmed, by life.
And what is it to be human on planet earth?
To be born and to die, and in between experience a broad spectrum of reality.
To be hurt, oppressed, abused, injured, harmed, by life.
To laugh, delight, unite, wonder and be awed, by life.
And, what is it to feel victimized?
Without seeking proper definitions, I would say that to feel victimized is to claim powerlessness. Victimization is characterized by a feeling that life (other humans included) has wronged us, and that these experiences are wrongly happening to us. Victimization is when we shift from the simple fact of undergoing hardship to thinking and believing we are a victim... hence the phrase victim mentality. Victimization is not simply what happens, it is the way we perceive what happens.
When I feel like a victim, there is more than simply the flavor of grief.
There is woe is me.
There is why me?
There is you've/they've done me wrong.
There is what's wrong with me?
There is why is this happening to me?
Noticing a through line?
I am.
ME.
Victim MEntality.
I feel victimized when I make it all about ME...
when this discord, this oppression, this abuse, this anger, this violence, this displeasure, all lead me to the conclusion that at the center of the world is me, and how dare this world harm me?
Let's take a deep breath, and peer at this landscape through a mythic lens.
The VICTIM archetype feels they have been done wrong, and that the world around them is wrong for such perpetrations.
The MARTYR archetype is the Victim, projected like a film into public or private arenas where our victimhood is put on display for the express purpose of punishment (at our own hand or by the hand of others).
The SAVIOR archetype is the Martyr, expanded outward where our sacrificial act of victimhood has passed the surface of punishment and springs forth into a realm of heroic fixing where I become the solution for everything that is wrong in the world.
(can you guess where we're going next?)
The HERO archetype cycles through the experience of victimhood, martyrdom, and saviorism. In its lowest polarity, it stops there and evolves no further. In its highest polarity, we continue further into humility (aka death), before finally arriving at the realization (rebirth) that we can only save ourselves.
aka: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, its not about me!
The true hero(ine) is distinct because in the end, they are not out to save anyone. They are simply out to experience the full circle of life— the heroine's journey— to heal the wound of wanting reality to be other than it is, and cross the bridge from reactivity to radical responsibility.
THIS IS THE PARADOX.
I am the all encompassing, exquisite, original, powerful presence. I matter.
and...
I am one tiny insignificant spec in the vast sands of infinity. I don't matter at all.
And here's why this is applicable, my friend.
You and I?
We have sovereign, radical, CHOICE every moment of every day— how will I respond to this situation?
How will I respond to this situation?
The true hero is at peace with paradox.
The bigger the risks and the higher we ascend, the further and harder we fall when we hit the ground.
Make no mistake, beloved. There's a price for rising into your authentic leadership, your biggest vision, your epic body of work, your unbound creativity, and your courageous vision for life.
That price is the risk of falling on your face and being humbled.
Is it worth it?
100%.
Is it terrifying?
100%
Is it liberating?
100%
If you argue with this reality, will you lose that battle?
Only 100% of the time.
✨ 5 Alchemical Inquiries ✨
Grab a journal and explore these questions (set a timer and spend 2-3 minutes on each question)
1. Where have I felt like a victim in the past? Name 3 instances.
2. Where do I feel like a victim currently? Name 3 circumstances.
3. Can you identify in yourself the Martyr, Savior, Fixer or Hero archetype along with the Victim? (relating to one of the above current situations)
4. What are the current narratives of your inner Victim? write them out in 1st person.
5. What might a new narrative be if you stepped from reaction (why is this happening to me) into responsibility (how do I choose to respond to what is currently happening)? write it out in 1st person.
✨ Alchemical Attunement ✨
The 48-hour rule
When we are in a reactive state, we want to act now, and everything in us becomes convinced this forefront, emotionally-driven plan is the best and only right course of action. Indeed, reactivity is a sort of hijack that takes place in our nervous system. This is biologically wise. If someone throws a heavy object at our head, we automatically duck or dive out of the way without thinking. But when it comes to human relations, this fast-and-furious action lands us in serious discord. Yes, its okay to get messy—we're human!— and, acting from a heightened reactive state can cause long-lasting damage to trust and intimacy we've built with care over many years with the people around us.
The 48-hour rule is simple: the next time you get pissed off, feel disrespected or blamed, or want to point a finger of blame at someone else, pause. Step away from your devices. Wait at least 48 hours before you take any action.
In that time, call upon your tools. Meditate. Go to therapy. Seek wise council. Weigh your options. Consider the outcomes. Calm your nervous system.
It's been said that urgency is a characteristic of white supremacist culture. There's a big difference between true emergency (call the ambulance!) and perceived urgency (I'm f***ing furious and need to burn it all down NOW).
What is truly at risk by acting now?
What is truly at risk by waiting 48 hours?
What are you thoughts, feelings and responses to these invitations, beloved?
Hit me up.
This is REAL ALCHEMICAL WORK happening in my own life laboratory right now, and I know I'm not the only one.
In fact, stay tuned for my next transmission, where I'll share about a recent discovery of my own core wound, whose narrative is "it's all up to me and I have to do it alone."
Savior-victim-martyr complex, anyone?
Until then dear one, stay courageous and loving.
To our collective and individual radical responsibility,
Britta
