If I'm honest, I kinda gave up.

Welcome to your monthly Alchemical Attunement ✨

First, here’s what’s alive in the BGV ecosystem:

Luminous Life Design 2025: my annual planning masterclass is in early creation stage! Some uplevels and possibly a name-change are coming, and the content keeps getting better. Add your name to the Early Interest list HERE to be the first to know when registration opens, and receive a bonus surprise when you register!

Now, let’s alchemize.

2025 has been a year of death. Literally. I’ve grieved the death of four beloved humans and one feline familiar this year. It’s been a lot.

If 2024 was a year of external death, 2023 felt like a year of internal death, where some precious friendships imploded, a few professional relationships awkwardly kicked the bucket, I developed chronic back pain, and my own idealism ran screaming off a high rocky cliff.

And if I’m really honest, in my heart of hearts…

I kinda gave up.

I know it looks like I’ve been busy behind the scenes in my business. But busy is not the same as productive. 

I was still going through the motions. Spinning my wheels. Making “an effort.” But my heart wasn’t in it. 

Today we explore the alchemy that occurs when resignation is transmuted into resolve, opening the way for renovation.

Here are a few observations from this year to help connect the dots of the alchemical process... 

a. Shame gnawed at my self-worth and drained my energy.

Primer: Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” The difference is everything. 

The part of my psyche buying into the shame story utters nonsense like, I can’t believe you backpedaled when you were doing so well and after ALL that spiritual work, you should be more resilient than this and WTF is wrong with you?

Thankfully, I know enough about shame to know that it breeds in silence. The moment I realize shame is present, my first task is to name it out loud to myself and trusted loved ones. The way can then open for investigation. 

Shame is never simple. It is often so tangled with complex emotions that it’s hard to identify the single threads. We can simultaneously feel grief, rage and confusion, creating emotional overwhelm that dysregulates our nervous system.

My teacher Anuttara Lakshmin Nath speaks about shame as a force that not only rapidly drains our prana, but causes us to lash out in reactivity, creating further karmic repercussions which harm ourselves and others.

b. As I let myself surrender into numbness, creative impulse kicked in.

This year I started to learn guitar, and also took up a love affair with watercolor. This may seem mysterious given the active shame, but if you read about the 1st Gene Key (based on the 1st hexagram of the I-Ching) it makes perfect sense. This key journeys from the shadow of entropy— defined as the loss of energy in a system—to the gift of freshness. Put simply, a loss of energy is natural. Look outside in winter. Sometimes we need to power down and put ourselves on low battery mode. The problem arises when we fight it, insisting that we should be able to function on full power all the time. That’s when our attempt to fix the problem can become “fixed inside you as depression.” 

Instead, the trick is to relax into the numbness, letting it have you. Only this full acceptance transmutes entropy into fresh energy, which takes the form of creativity. 

I’ve been a student of The Gene Keys for over 7 years now, and it’s still thrilling to experience the keys turning inside me in real time. Perhaps if I hadn’t experienced the numbness, I wouldn’t have carved out space and time to embrace these new creative practices, which have been life-giving and expansive. I am, miraculously, more embodied in my creativity now than I was before this death phase.

c. Somehow, even during a necessarily slow year, the bills got paid. 

All is well. This year was exactly what it needed to be… a time of restoration, contemplation and rejuvenation. I slept a lot. I read a lot of books. I played a lot of guitar, painted while listening to my favorite playlist, and took several *actual* vacations to see friends. I worked as much as I needed to, and all is well. A good reminder that it’s okay to slow down and rest. Sometimes, that is literally what the doctor ordered.

Now, I’m entering a new phase: RENOVATION

I joined a 4-month mastermind in September where I’m creating a bespoke business model that is designed precisely for my calendar, my needs, my unique lifestyle and the people I want to serve. And here’s the real gift of the alchemy:

I’m not afraid to burn shit down. I’m not afraid to rebuild. And I know that renovating often first requires demolition. 

 
As Clarissa Pinkola Estés would say, “life/death/life.”

Entrepreneurs, CEOs and leaders often become stuck in our ways and attached to what has been. I’m grateful for my mentors who model courageous leadership that would make your typical business coach bawk…

 
Like when Simone Seol changed the name of her #1 marketing podcast from “Joyful Marketing” to “I am your Korean Mom”, then completely discontinued it despite a humungous following. She then started a new one called simply “My Notes” where she repurposes audio from IG Lives and records episodes using her iPhone voice memos, something most professional content creators would find appalling. 

 
Or when Melissa Tiers took a 3-month coach training that brought in nearly 100k last year and changed it to a 2-week intensive for a fraction of the price, because that’s what felt right to her in this season of her life.

 
Which brings us full circle.

 
I am not a business coach. I don’t even consider myself a coach. What I call myself might change from season to season, and it really doesn’t matter.

 
Because despite our best efforts to brand ourselves, our innate genius and unique abilities will never be summed up neatly in english words we can tidily put on a webpage. 

 
What am I, and what am I doing here? Well, for starters... 

 
I’m a guide for leaders seeking greater peace of mind, even as they expand in abundance and impact through their work.

 
I’m a teacher, singer, writer and mentor who will always teach, preach and praise the path of ease over the path of effort, and the way of flow over the way of force. 

 
I’m excited for this rebirth, and I appreciate you being here with me.

 
Alchemical Mantra

What’s next could not happen without the surrendering that came before.

To the great work of your life, unfolding as we speak,

PS. How does this land for you, Kate? If you had to sum up your personal transformation of 2024 thus far, what would it be? Hit reply and let me know.

PPS. If you’re experiencing any shame demons today, please find a someone you trust to speak it aloud to as soon as possible. I promise, it will help.