Tear down the pedestal.
Welcome to your Wednesday Love Note!
First, here's what's happening in the BGV ecosystem this week...
The Peace & Power Live Class Series
I'm teaching 3 x live classes in May aimed to help you sleep deeply, dispel overwhelm and set more effective boundaries–quieting the noise in your head and helping you feel energized instead of frenzied. The first class, Sleep Deep, happens next Tuesday, May 6th! The series also includes Stress Less (May 13th), and Better Boundaries (May 20th). Join individual classes for $44, or get the entire bundle for $99. Details here, and please pass on the good word 🙏
VIP Days: Vital, Inspired, Peaceful
I recently created a new way to work with me 1-1. Great if you’re busy and love an intentional sprint period, this 1-month intensive will fill your proverbial tank with cosmic jet fuel. Move into this season feeling more peaceful, clear and powerful than you thought possible.
Substack
Today’s tip is an excerpt from a longer piece I wrote on my Substack called “Pedestal is a verb.” You can read the full article here or listen to the podcast.
Read my newest transmission in devotion of earth-day, here.
Now, onto today’s tip.
Pedestal (v): to idealize, deify or hold someone in high regard without adequate perspective of their humanity; to deeply admire someone while unconsciously holding them to unreasonable expectations.
Like most of us, I’ve pedestaled other people.
What I didn’t fully understand until my mid to late thirties was the fact that not only do I terribly compromise my own well being when I pedestal someone; I also put them in an impossible position that’s doomed to failure.
In order to sidestep this relational landmine, we’ve got to be willing to take full responsibility for the role we play in whatever power dynamics are present.
Where there is pedestaling, there is unacknowledged ego, unchecked expectation, or both.
Whichever side of the power dynamic you find yourself on, the swiftest and most peaceable resolution will be reached if both parties take responsibility for their own actions or lack thereof.
With that in mind, here’s some tips to move toward common ground in our relationships.
For the “student”
Assess your relationship to those you most admire.
Admit if you’re pedestaling someone.
If you’re in real relationship with them and they are genuinely interested to hear about your process, come clean. Tell them you’ve been pedestaling them. Give them the chance to collaborate in a gentle dismantling of the pedestal. Perhaps the two of you can dissolve the power dynamic together and alchemize it into something healthier and more mutually respectful.
Practice seeing whomever you’re pedestaling as a real human who makes mistakes, breaks promises, and is guaranteed to shatter your idealistic expectations of them. Give them grace before they fall off the pedestal. If you bring them down from the great heights at which you’ve placed them in your psyche, perhaps you can both avoid emotional injury.
For the “teacher”
Educate yourself on the role power plays in your work and communities. Look for trusted educational sources that can shine light on the vast spectrum of ways that power dynamics can show up across race, gender, wealth or economic status, mental or physical abilities, and specifics to your unique field.
Get comfortable talking openly about power dynamics, with your peers and especially with those who look up to you. Encourage ongoing discourse on the topic, and invite feedback around any blind spots that could cause harm between yourself and your people.
If you’re closely connected to someone and suspect they may be pedestaling you, invite a candid conversation. If you have your own story of someone falling from grace, this might be a great time to share it to whatever degree feels appropriate. In Brené Brown’s words, be, “awkward, brave and kind.”
So, can you identify a relationship in your life where you are either pedestaling someone?
Maybe you suspect—or flat out know—that someone is pedestaling you?
Today, I invite and gently encourage you to put one of these action steps in motion.
Because being more courageous, authentic and transparent in our relationships will set us free.
To dismantling the pedestal,