When you DON’T have clarity

When people ask me lately "how are you?", I'm sort of at a loss. The words come clunkily, slowly, as if emerging from the mist.

 
Good? Exhausted? Burned out? In a very long nervous-system reset?

 
I wouldn't call this experience an "identity crisis" per-say, because there definitely is no crisis... certainly though, an identity shift. It feels like something is dying, to make space for what wants to be born anew.

 
Identity Rebirth?

 
Is that a thing? If not, can we make that a thing?

 
Here's a word I feel ironically solid to land on:

 
LIMINAL.

 
If you were to see me and ask how I'm doing, and if I were to answer from the most honest place possible, I would probably say,

 
"Liminal. Life feels very liminal right now. I'm not sure what the hell is going on, where I am, or where I'm going. My hyper-achieving Enneagram 3 self is struggling to accept it and relax. But also, I'm experiencing the most spacious year of my adult life and have taken up hobbies like guitar and watercolor, which is awesome. So I'm liminal, and it's challenging, and also I'm inspired and resting. Thanks for asking."

 
What a weird pile of gobbelty-gook.

 
But that's just it!

 
The liminal is gooey!

 
Inside the chrysalis, the caterpillar has ceased to be its former self, but is not yet a butterfly. It's a puddle of goo.

 
A glorious, liminal puddle of cellular potentiality.

 
In a recent session with my therapist, as I was telling her how challenging it still feels to relax back into this spacious and slow period, she asked me, 

who is struggling?

 
My achiever, I said.

 
Okay, she said, let's call your achiever The Driver.

 
Right, I said, she is definitely the one who wants to be in the driver's seat all the time.

 
Who else is in the car? my therapist asked.

 
I closed my eyes for a moment, then snorted and said there's a tired, surrendered woman in the backseat. She's lying there and has zero energy to get up. Every time The Driver barks some command or motivational jargon at her, she simply raises her eyebrows, shrugs her shoulders and throws her hands up, as if to say "I got nothing, honey."

 
And is there anyone else in the car? my therapist asked.

 
Again, I closed my eyes and let the scene form a clearer picture in my mind. Yes, I said. There's a third woman, sitting quietly in the passenger seat. She is the Wise Observer. She's taking it all in... the Driver barking orders and attempting to steer the car, the Tired Surrendered Woman reclined in the backseat, and...

 
Then a new detail dropped in.

 
The car is completely surrounded by dense fog. They literally cannot see where they're going, they can't see 10 feet in front of the car or in any direction.

 
My therapist took this in before asking, and is there anything you'd change about this scene, or where people are sitting?

 
Again, I snorted with laughter and said yah, that girl should NOT be in the driver's seat! In fact, the two in the front need to switch spots. The Driver needs to sit shotgun and the Wise Observer should drive.

 
That sounds right, said my therapist, before concluding with the most obvious thing I had somehow missed...

 
When the fog is that thick, the safe thing to do is stop the vehicle altogether!

 
Correct.

 
When the fog is that thick, when you cannot see the path ahead, the safest thing to do is to stop the vehicle.

 
Which brings me to the subject of clarity.

 
By definition, “liminal” refers to spaces in between or leading up to boundaries or thresholds. Liminal spaces lack clarity. Inside boundaries there is clarity. Outside of boundaries, there is not.

 
The liminal is the in-between, where we can only discover the limit (limit and liminal share the same root) by crossing the threshold ourselves. But how or when or why that happens is not always clear.

 
Going back to the car analogy, what struck me was there is absolutely nothing you can do to clear the fog. On a foggy day, you have exactly two choices:

 
a. sit tight, and wait for the fog to lift (which it will, eventually)

b. go somewhere else where the fog isn't as thick (which may or may not be an easy option)

 
In Humboldt county, north of the Bay area in California where I lived for a decade, the summers are notoriously foggy on the coast. As a sun-worshiping Leo, this killed me. A foggy August? Blasphemy!!! But I soon learned I could get in my car and drive 15 minutes east, towards the mountains and away from the ocean, and suddenly I'd pop out of the fog and into 90 degree heat.

 
So yes, sometimes you can re-situate yourself when you lack clarity, and that new perspective will create a bigger shift in your life.

 
And also sometimes you might simply realize, like I did, that you don't like living in climates where the summers are foggy, and you move somewhere else.

 
Maybe clarity cannot be created.

 
At least, not in a vacuum. The conditions for clarity must be there.

 
And if they aren't there, you get to choose to either go somewhere else in search of clarity, or wait it out until the sky clears once more.

 
It's ironic for me to say "clarity cannot be created", because for many years I labeled my client discovery call a "Creating Clarity Call". And while it's true that I do help people find clarity often, just as the wisdom keepers and mentors in my life help me find clarity often... it's not a guarantee.

 
Last year, I felt uncertain of how to proceed in my work, business and leadership. Fortunately I had already planned to retreat in Peru with my friend Katerina, and it delivered just the shift in perspective I'm talking about here. That was a prime example of how shifting my daily routine and literal positioning on the globe for a few weeks catalyzed an energetic shift that I was able to bring back to my life here at home. (Btw, she's taking another group this fall to the Sacred Valley. Although I’m unable to attend this year, I can’t recommend it highly enough.)

 
This year, I have no major travel plans, and no intention to try and outrun the fog.

I'm in total trust that it will lift in divine timing and, furthermore, that this time in the proverbial fog is exactly what I need to recuperate my energy after the big laborious push of the past few years leading up to purchasing my house.

 
And now that I've got a home to nest into, the fog isn't all that bad. With my guitar and watercolors close by, I know the fog will clear soon. And in the meantime, I'm grateful for colors and sounds to play with, and a comfortable foundation to stand on as I practice the patience required to walk through liminal spaces.

So Kate, how much clarity do you feel at this moment in time?

For fun, give yourself a rating from 1-10: 1 = I can't see a goddamn thing and feel utterly in the mystery and 10 = I've never been so clear and purposeful in my life.

Hit reply and share your rating, because I'd love to be in the mystery and celebration with you!

Here's to trusting the journey,

PS. Nowadays guess what I call my discovery call for new potential clients?

I call them... wait for it... Discovery Calls. 😂  

Because simplicity wins, and that is exactly what they are.

The people who have been booking these calls with me lately are CEOs, entrepreneurs, and wholehearted spirit-led creatives who are itching to finally and fully follow their soul's calling...

To create a spirit-led life and a spirit-led body of work that feels like a legacy of love. To do the work that deeply satisfies them without going broke or selling out.

Sometimes they come with crystal clear goals: to double their revenue. To build a new website or rebrand their business. To expand their body of work though a new offering, publishing a book, recording an album, creating a course, or some other creative innovation that awakens new potential for both purpose and profits.

Sometimes it's harder to quantify: to connect with spirit every single day, both personally and professionally. To show up with more authenticity and courage for their family, their coworkers, their community. To hone their intuition and balance the force (yang) and flow (yin) energy in every area of their lives, so that they feel less stress and more delight on a daily basis.

I'm here for it. I love my work. I love my clients. I love life.

If any of this sounds like you, I invite you to book a Discovery Call with me. They're free. We'll meet for an hour via Zoom, where I'll ask you a bunch of juicy questions, listen, offer reflections, and invite you to uplevel at a pace that nourishes you. That invitation may or may not include working with me in some shape or form. No strings attached.

Sound like the spark you need? 💥 

You can book a call here 😘